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Articles
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Stale relationships
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Lena Madrona
http://www.new-dating.com/search.php
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The romance had grown, starting out as light friends, to light love, to a love where you consciously thought “wow, maybe he/she’s the one”. The contract had developed, learning new things about each other and both of you had reached a new level. At that point love became a lot more unconditional and harder to interpret. In the end both of you love each other dearly but still find yourself in a relationship that isn’t satisfying your needs.
Not to say that this happens with all relationship but I find it a reoccurring problem in today’s dating scene, especially if you’ve never got this close to someone before. Where you’ve fallen so in love with someone that you no longer concentrate on what your looking for in a relationship but more that if you’ve managed to be with them this long they must be the one, right? That after being with someone for a very long time, even if there are tons of problems, we all seem to forget about what we originally went into the relationship for. Not to say relationships are ever flawless, don’t get me wrong. The relationship could be in potential trouble if things aren’t developing into what they should be. We’re all so scared of leaving the comfort of the “love cave” but in the end we only hurt ourselves being in these situations
Having said that, I’ve talked to many people, experienced it myself and have come to a few conclusions. Love is so powerful it blinds us emotionally more than anything else. We all have our reasons for dating someone, but just because your in “love” doesn’t really mean your with the right person. Of course in no way am I implying that love is easy to come by , it does take special conditions to find it. I just think you can’t necessarily deprive your personal needs completely in the name of love, things have go to change, grow and progress.
Lets relate a relationship to having a job. A job provides a certain comfort level knowing that you have money to do the things you want to do. Much like being unemployment, leaving your love can be a scary idea. Like being stuck in a dead end job, a relationship that has gone stale can be very counter productive. You get underpaid , the quality of work is horrible and your not learning anything new to better yourself. You went into this contract expecting a lot more and maybe it was great for a while (maybe a long while) but through some odd twist of mind we all grow and change and the “management” has become corrupt.
You wanted a lot more intimacy, she needed to be more freaky in the sack, he didn’t show you enough respect , whatever the case, things aren’t going like they should. You wanted a lot more out of this relationship and now that its gotten this far you figure it can only get better right? “The problem is, there’s things in the way of that right now, don’t worry don’t worry they’ll change!?” Maybe, I’m not saying they won’t. Just make sure that something is trying to change if its bothering you that much. It is essential to deeply analyze these thoughts if you find yourself in a lull. It could be entirely possible the person your with had no idea the little things they knew bothered you, bothered you this much.
Firsts things first, you’ve got to let your partner in on the debate. You’ve been thinking about it for weeks maybe months and yet you throw on the smile and pretend its ok. Until “Smack” you let it all out and your partner is like a deer in the headlights. Usually quite clueless for the most part. The best policy is honesty I guess. It may be scary but explain that your not getting what you need, and for this relationship to work things have to change. Be sure to state that this is a serious problem that indeed has to change or the relationship cannot continue. Biting your tongue, settling for less or compromising too much can lead to disaster. Think of it this way, we all deserve a “raise and promotion” from time to time, if you don’t ask you may never get one.
In the end, I’m not trying to tell you to go right out and dump the guy you love because there’s a few roadblocks. Love is full of them. What I’m trying to say is that you should both talk to each other (communication is key) and explain what needs to be changed for the success of the relationship. To make things fresh, productive and enlightening, things will have to be shuffled once in a while. Living a life in a relationship where you keep hoping for change that isn’t going to happen is going to lead to nothing but hurt. Life is too short to stay in something that is holding you back. If you find yourself in a “love rut” do something about it, turn it into the relationship of your dreams or I advise abandon an ship...
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Lena Madrona
http://www.new-dating.com/search.php
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